Why mothers are women?

“I think motherhood is sooo over-rated,” I told a friend who’d dropped in for an impromptu dinner.

“No way,” said the father of two. “I certainly don’t think so.” His wife looked up with interest.  My husband was too busy fiddling with the music system to hear what we were saying. The kids in the other room were playing noisily, charged after a meal of pizza and fizzy drinks.

“Hmm.. let me put it this way.” I said. “Both men and women  have nurturing sides to them. What I mean is whoever is left to care for an infant 24×7, develop a natural bond with the baby. Haven’t you seen single fathers taking such good care of their kids?”

“That’s in extreme cases,” pointed out my friend. “When there are totally no other options. Even then, there’s always his mother or some other female lending moral support.”

“Let me tell you this. The bond I share with my son is only because I took care of him from day one, all the time. If someone now tells me, ‘Hey, there was a mix up in the hospital. This is not the baby you carried to term. Here’s the original.’ I certainly will not have the same feeling towards that baby. I’m more tuned to my son. That baby will be a total stranger, inspite of me carrying him to full term.”

“Your point is?” asked my husband, totally uncomfortable with the thought that someone could say the child is not ours.

“My point is, me being a female is only incidental. A man can easily develop a bond with a baby as strong as any woman. A man just has to start caring for a baby and he’ll discover he has a maternal instinct too”

“Listen,” said my friend. “You gave up a full time career to stay home and take care of your baby. No man would ever do that, even if he has all the money in the world.”

“Forget giving up a career,” said his wife sharply. “Last week I had to go off air abruptly to rush to school to pick up my daughter who was ill. He could not even reschedule his meeting.”

“Excuse me… that was a meeting with my chairman” He said, defensively.

“And I was on air, live, doing my show,” she hissed.

“Look. We men are just not wired for that, ok?” he told me. “When was the last time your husband took off from work when you or the kid was ill?”

I thought hard. I could not recall a single time. Last time I was down with a viral, my husband faithfully went to work after dropping the kid off at his parents, while I was in bed all alone. And my father had brought me food everyday.

“Never.” I said. 

“See?” said my friend.

“But wait. All I ‘m saying is you men can do it too. Its not like motherhood and sacrifices belong only to women.”

“Let me repeat. We’re not wired for it,” he siad his voice raising a bit.

“Rubbish!” I screamed. “Its because you guys never try”

“We’ve tired,” butted in my husband. “But we cannot do the thing you women can do”

“Why?” we women shrieked. “If we can do it, so can you. Don’t give us the BS about women being more selfless and more nurturing by birth.”

“You are!” said both the men in one voice.

“Really? Before I got married, I used to wake up only at 8.45 am, never did any housework, went for all the movies, hung out with my friends and was so focussed in my career. Now that I’m married I’m stuck at home, hang out with friends with kids, house keep and take care of a million things. Tell me if anything has changed for you men? You still have your beer evenings, still focussed in work and to top it all have the gall to yell at us women if any of your needs are not met!” I fumed.

“Like we told you, we’re just not made for adjusting or adapting ourselves to any situation like you women!” chimed my husband.

“You mean you don’t want to!” I screamed.

“Hmmm.. yes…” they said, smirking at each other.

“You mean all men are basically selfish  a******s?” I sputtered.

“Absolutely!” they chorused.

Then they both collapsed, laughing. 

“What was all the heated arguement about, man?!” as they back-slapped each other. “We were in total agreement with her from the beginning! Men are selfish!! Women!!” They dissolved into another fit off giggles.

My husband looked at me kindly. “Now be a good girl and see about dinner. Run along!” he patted me patronisingly.

At that moment my son screamed from his room, “Amma! Can you get us all some dessert?”

I stormed out showing all of them my finger.



  1. Rada said,

    December 17, 2008 at 3:56 pm

    Padmaja, did you recently eavesdrop on a converstaion in my drawing room?


    Maybe I did!!! 🙂

  2. anusha srikanth said,

    December 18, 2008 at 10:28 am

    same conversation here!

  3. anusha srikanth said,

    December 18, 2008 at 10:30 am

    But whats the point? Men are self absorbed, women selfless. My point is somebody has to bring the dough and somebody has to make the bread. It’s classic and ageold and the argument continues…

    🙂 Women can multi task & men can’t!

  4. anusha srikanth said,

    December 18, 2008 at 10:46 am

    This topic can get me to ramble! Few weekends ago I had taken my son to his usual weekend classes, we went beach combing with few of his friends, it was really early and my daughter was still asleep. Hubby darling took heart and said he would get her dressed when she woke up and they would pick us up when the classes got over! When they turned up my daughter was still in her night suit and clearly jolted from sleep with a cookie in her hand for breakfast. My hubby gave up his weekend golf alright, but would I trust him again to get my kids ready to be somewhere is the question.

    A friend of mine was in hospital delivering her second baby. Her husband fed her son only coke and no milk for 3 days because he didn’t want milk! 😉

  5. bhavna said,

    December 19, 2008 at 10:20 am

    I know that the men will not get it as per our quality standards ( if he doesnt want to eat veggies- sobeit- I did fine with aloo all my life!) but in our house- life is a bit different. For eg- my hubby woke up last night, gave crocin to both the children and made them pee- I barely remember opening my eyes. We may not be all there but remember what our Dads were like-atleast our hubbies dont fumble to change the diapers!

    Ya, so true!

  6. anusha srikanth said,

    December 19, 2008 at 4:24 pm


  7. maami said,

    December 19, 2008 at 8:43 pm

    Lucky women land husbands who are men; luckless women get men for husbands.

    🙂 Good one! BTW, when r u updating ur blog? Waiting eagerly!

  8. Adithya said,

    December 20, 2008 at 10:11 am

    Pah! Too many women in this space! 😀

    Ya! What fun!! 😉

  9. kusublakki said,

    December 20, 2008 at 3:58 pm

    Lol….this is a good post…Honestly though, women think too much!

    Hehe.. Thanx! 🙂

  10. December 21, 2008 at 5:54 pm

    LOL!! Paapam you!! But…..ahem…..I shall refrain from saying anything on the subject of the post! 😛 (You are at liberty to call me an escapist! 😀 )

    Yeah, lets wait till you tie the knot! Or become a father!! 😉

  11. Pradeep said,

    December 21, 2008 at 7:33 pm

    lol my dad belongs to that category of men fumbling to change diapers…He could never remember which section of the class I was in. Dei, nee VII-A ya B ya? 😀

    But dads are so paavam. They never get the credit they deserve. Lets at least thank Gautham Menon for that!

    My dad used to be the same too! But he’s been cooking along side my mom from the beginning, so I forgive him!!! And I’m yet to see the movie!

  12. buddy said,

    December 23, 2008 at 9:09 pm

    its basically an evolutionary response i guess
    but times change, i don’t see why men shouldn’t

    yeah, they should. 🙂 the good news is that they are!

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