I don’t blame men who’ll get bored with this post. Its all about a losing battle I’ve been waging with my own tummy. So if you really don’t want to listen to me raving and ranting, please feel free to skip this! (I know a certain zen monk in disguise who’ll gladly do that!)
I used to be rail thin in my school and college days.
I used to hate most veggies and sit for hours and dream on the table while pecking at my food. And throw away most of it uneaten.
None of my mother’s gentle persuasions or my grandmother’s major- general-like strictness worked with me.
I was the sloth of the family. (Devaangu in pure tambrahm lingo)
Anyway, my tummy crept up on me during my late twenties and has been there with me ever since. It has seen me through marriage, pregnancy, child birth and now child rearing.
Deep down I really don’t care much, but once in a while some concerned friend or the gym-manic husband pushed me to do something about it.
Once I took heed to a friend and did tummy crunches for a month.
I was ecstatic when it visibly reduced.
I grew slack with accomplishment. The crunches slowly tapered off. And after a month, my tummy was back. Now double in size.
Friends tried not to stare at my tummy. Aunties started giving me meaningful looks. Some asked me with a gleam in their eyes, ‘ Any good news?’
Totally flustered, I went back to my crunches. And it hardly made any difference, since I was never regular.
Then I had a valid reason for my tummy. I was pregnant.
The next two years went by without me even thinking about it.
Again, friends cast furtive, curious glances at my middle. Aunties tactfully changed their question. “So your son is getting a baby sister?” But their eyes still had their gleam.
This time I enrolled in a gym. To my surprise I realised I quite enjoyed it. I was more energetic and not only lost my tummy but some unwanted weight as well.
After a year, however my enthusiasm waned off. I became irregular. And the tummy came back with a bang. And needless to say, double in size.
So I decided do something about my diet. I consulted a fitness freak friend who lectured me on carbs, fats and proteins. Most of it went over my head, though I nodded sagely and tried to ask him intelligent questions. (He quit being my nutritionist once he caught me having buttered toast and jam just before hitting the gym! What?! You don’t expect me to work out on an empty stomach, do you?!)
I stopped eating rice for dinner. My stomach growled in protest by 11 pm. Then someone said you can eat whatever you want before sunset. Its what you eat after sunset which gives you a tummy. So I gleefully had my full meal before sunset for a few days. But I got hungry by 11 and had a second (light) dinner. (Blame it on the husband who works late most days)
So my dear friend was back.
A few months ago, I bumped into my neighbour on my way home. After exchanging woes of child rearing and such, she offered to carry my laptop to my apartment. “No! I shooed her off. “Its not that heavy!” .
“But… aren’t you expecting a baby?” She asked, looking at my tummy. And went red in the face with embarrassment when I told her I wasn’t. Poor thing…
After that I went back to being more regular in working out and watch what I eat. I still do rice for dinner, but only a handful for thayir saadham.
When I met friends for dinner last week wearing a clingy chiffon top, no one said anything about my tummy!
I came back home and took a hard look at myself in the mirror.
The tummy was definitely receding. Ecstatic, I vowed to myself that I’ll adhere strictly to a routine of gym, low fat and eating right. And will have a tummy that’s as flat as a washboard.
Next day, I came back after an eventful work out. Imagine my shock when the ironing lady asked me, “Maasama irukkeengla ma?” (Are you pregnant, madam?)
After some head-banging I’ve decided. Liposuction, here I come!
